Lorem Ipsum > Pain for Pleasure.

Back in college, I took a typesetting class where Lorem Ipsum was the common dummy language to fill in paragraphs. At that time, I knew it was Latin-ish, but never gave much thought to what it might actually mean.

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum." 

Today, for some reason I decided to look into it.

According to Lipsum.com, it appears a typesetter altered "de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum," which was written in 45 BC by Cicero. Lorem Ipsum has been used by typesetters since its first appearance about 500 years ago. In 1914, H Rackham provided the following translation:

"No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but because occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?"

I find most of the text interesting, especially considering its appropriateness for most of society today... but then I re-read the first sentence.

"those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful"

It makes me wonder if Cicero maybe just wasn't into spanking or other masochistic pleasures.

Springtime Pheromones

It must be springtime and pheromones are in the air. Good Lord!

(Perhaps I should have posted a picture of bunnies instead?)

Of course, they must be ePheromones. Or would that be the iPheromone? All of this is happening online while I sit in my frumpy pajamas without makeup on, tapping away on my computer.

Two years ago I posted an ad in POF.com looking for an intimate partner. I was lonely and horny and completely ignored by D.

Hot Springs, part I

In the middle of winter, B and I met up at a motel near a tiny mountain town.

I was excited, since this is the first time we had ever had a hotel room. Usually we meet at a hiking trailhead or in a car.

As soon as I put my things in the room, we hopped into his car and drove toward the springs, which are a half mile hike in from the parking area. We parked, hiked in, changed into swimsuits, and tiptoed into the hot pools. I'd never been to a hot springs before. This one is clothing optional, and of the 30 or so people there, about half were naked. I decided to take off my suit, while B kept his trunks on.

The other guy in the pool with us was naked, and I swore when he stretched out to relax, he was purposely trying to point his junk at me. I was tempted to wink at him to see what he'd do, but I was afraid of what he'd do.

B kept referring to him as "Stretch nuts" and out of respect for everyone I tried really hard to not look. But I wanted to.

imho

One of the most - no, perhaps THE most arousing, erotic things I have ever seen in my life was a particular couple at one of the clubs I occasionally go to.

Here's the scenario: T and I were in the couples' lounge, taking a rest break and cuddling, when the other couple entered the room. We watched as they made themselves comfortable on the bed next to us.

It was obvious they had been together for a while as he knew all the places where she liked to be kissed, and she knew exactly how he wanted his cock stoked while she sucked his balls.

This couple was in their own world as they made love and fucked, then made love again. She climbed on top of him and rode him cowboy and I could feel T's cock hardening against my thigh as she loudly came.

We watched as they got up from the bed. He gently guided her over to the spanking bench, and when he turned to grab a towel for her to lean on, I saw it.

Tomorrow in the mountains...!

I wish I had a girlfriend that I could talk to, especially about this side of me.

I'm excited for tomorrow!
I get a hug tomorrow!
And a kiss! Or two...

Nobody touches me.

I seriously have no physical contact with other humans in my life right now. D ignores me, the kids are in that age where hugging mom is uncool, and at this point with my depression, anxiety, and shutting myself down to cope with the ongoing abuse I simply have no friends.

Now you can see why I'm so flippin' excited about tomorrow.
Not only do I get a hug, but I get other important skin on skin touching from B, and I'm super excited.

He's really good at ...touching..
...among other things... that involve other kinds of touching.

When I was chatting with B about maybe making plans, it got to the point where we had pretty much decided it would be nice to see each other, and we were both available. When I asked if this is a plan or if he still wanted to think about it, he said, "I reserved a room at the such&so motel in that mountain town we go to." Whooee, a motel!

That means we have a real bed instead of having to find a flat spot on the ground where we can spread out a blanket. Uh, that also means I have to shave the winter coat off my legs. It's been a long time since I've had this kind of touching (the last time was several months ago, also with B.)

Anyway, I'm excited. It's been a long time since I've had this kind of skin on skin contact, and B always makes it extra special, so it's going to be a really great day.

Gotta get to bed and get myself all rested up. Tomorrow I've got a long drive up into the mountains, and a physically demanding day/evening ahead of me in that motel room.
Mmmm yay!

Why Wives Cheat

Lately I have been reading a lot of articles and blogs regarding emotional abuse, living with a spouse with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), living with a spouse with Passive-Aggressive behavior (PA.) These articles have been great, helping me understand where my household's flavor of crazy fits into the realm of personality issues so I can figure out a sort of roadmap to getting out.

One thing that comes up again and again is the issue of cheating. In many of the blogs I'm reading, the husband is the one with the personality disorder, and the wife is the abused partner. (Apparently, these disorders are more common among men, but not strictly limited to men. I believe there are also more women talking about this via blogs, and the men being abused by NPD or PA wives are finding other outlets, if any, to discuss and share.)

So, regarding cheating. I know that D cheated on me at the beginning. I learned about this a few years after the fact. Had I found out right when it was happening, I don't know if I would have had the guts to try to leave. My self esteem was pretty trashed when we met, so back then I always felt like if I was going to achieve my dream of being married and having kids, he may be my only chance. I loved him, and we were best friends, but that always nagged in the back of my head.

Now days, I don't know what he's doing online or via text, and I don't care. I know he's not leaving the house to see anyone, and we have a couple of big intimidating dogs, so I can't imagine anyone coming over when I'm out. (Besides, when I get home, one of the dogs always tells me when people came over in my absence.)

Honestly, he could cheat and I wouldn't care. I just don't care any more. It would be a relief, knowing that "Aha! He found someone to get his mind off me!" and that would make it easier for me to move out. I'd feel less guilty for abandoning him, anyway.

In our case, though, I'm the one cheating. So... why?

There are lots of websites and blogs explaining this question, too. According to what I've been reading, men cheat when they're not getting enough, bored, or are looking for a thrill. (Or in my personal experience, their wives are too self-conscious about their bodies to fuck or they won't go down on them.)

Women cheating, however, is a different game. Most articles I read explain that two of the biggest reasons women do it is for revenge or to get even, or they're desperate because they are unable to fix whatever problem is at home. I fall into the latter group.

There was one moment of conflict at home when I realized that there was no way to fix the problem in our bedroom, and I was so horny I couldn't think straight. I mean, I literally couldn't concentrate on anything. It's like trying to focus on reading a boring book when you have to pee so bad you swear your teeth are floating in your mouth. Can't be done. I was changing my panties 3 or 4 times a day because they were always wet. D brushed me off when I tried to start something in the bedroom, and wouldn't participate in any discussion about it. He ignored my pleas for even a kiss. I was miserable, and D wouldn't touch me. I mean, he would not touch me. Not even a hand on my shoulder. I was lucky if he looked at me.I was being wholly rejected by the man who was supposed to love me.

I didn't know what else to do, so after being celibate with D for a solid 3 years, I started seeing other guys.

It was wonderful. Took the sexual pressure off (a bit,) and gave me the skin on skin touch that I so longed for. I don't feel guilty in the least for cheating. I can't say I feel justified, because that doesn't even really apply here.

Cheating made me feel less rejected.
And human.

Confident, Comfortable, and Bare-Ass Naked

Over on my public side, I mentioned my beaus, and how they helped me to recognize that I'm in an emotionally abusive marriage.

That's only part of what they have done for me.

Before all of this, I had been a timid, shy, overweight, cautious girl who was overly concerned about what other people thought of her. I hid myself in dark baggy clothes, I never spoke up, and was very good at blending in. I hid behind masks, I hid behind self-undermining language. I hid from life.

MJ was my first extramarital beau, and he blew the doors of my hiding place when he introduced me to the world of voyeurism and exhibitionism. He was very nice and gentle about it, letting me call the shots and letting me decide if and when we should leave. He just saw something in me that was begging to be free... and released her to the world.

For that I will be forever grateful to him.

 

Ever since I came out of hiding, my subsequent beaus have been treated to a confident BBW woman who is comfortable in her own skin. They all love it. 

As the only naked person at the clothing optional hot springs:

Me - "Should I put my suit back on?"

B - "No."

Me - "I'm the only naked person here. I don't want to make the others feel uncomfortable."

B - "Keep it off."

My first time with T, when he stripped off my clothes with all the lights on:

T - "Look at you look at you look at you! I want to eat you up!"

My first time with K; he was hot-looking and before he knew it I was stripped completely naked. 

K  - "Uh, wow! Stay there for a minute. I want to look at you. All of you."

At a sex club:

Him - "Let's expose your breasts as soon as we walk in the door so I can suck on them whenever I want."

Later, of course, I'm totally naked and fucking in the group room, etc

Me, at home:

Shades up & lights on when changing for bed, masturbating, dressing in the dark winter morning.. 

(There is a 55+ high rise across the street from my window.)

Camping with B:

Roadside blowjobs, parking lot sex outside the car, stripping down to change into my swimsuit wherever we happen to be...

Now that this part of me has been allowed to overtly exist, I can't imagine being any other way.